Trigger Project: Gas Pumps

Trigger Project: Gas Pumps

11/29/16/Gas Pumps

16 and white-knuckled
Behind the wheel
Trying to will my hands to not jerk
To follow the argument in my head
How big a Boom, do you think?
There are people gassing up
Fuck ‘em, I want to explode
Forget about it, there’s got to be a shut-off like in that movie
The Stand, I love that movie, we should watch it.
Bet we’re faster, it’s coming up on the right.
That movie is old, probably better shut-off technology now
We’d miss school and out friends would be sad
You Fucking MISSED It! What the Hell, it was our Chance!
Are we sure B even exists? Or A or K? What if all our friends are just illusions? Seriously, do we know?

30+ and white-knuckled
Behind the wheel
Trying to will my hands to not jerk
To follow the argument in my head
Sometimes the argument in my backseat is louder
Sometimes the Boy distracts the voices with questions
Sometimes the Girl distracts them with songs
But they are still there
The Anarchist
The Molly Mormon
The Nihilist
All of Us
Just waiting
For the momentary lapse

Trigger Project: Ableist Slurs

Trigger Project: Ableist Slurs

This is the first poem in my Trigger Project. This project is exploring my PTSD through poetry, so there will be a warning as the featured image for each entry of the project.

12/05/16/ Not St*pid
Hey St*pid!
What are ya, st*pid?
Com’ere, St*pid.
Quid being st*pid.
Even when not accompanied by a blow
I flinch at the word
Fix your handwriting, St*pid.
It’s a “d” not a “b”, St*pid.
If you weren’t so st*pid, you could do this
It’s almost better to get beat
Because those scars heal and fade faster
Than this word branded on my brain
Pull your head out, St*pid!
God, can’t you just do it right?
You’re too st*pid to pass
The worst part
Is how I keep proving them right
Too st*pid to graduate on time
Too st*pid for my first major
And two minors in a row
Too st*pid to keep a job
Too st*pid to stop flinching
Too st*pid to not cry when speaking
Too st*pid to ignore them
Too st*pid to just get over it
And too st*pid to die